“When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her though I know she lies” – Shakespeare W
My brother gave up the internet dating lark about…ooo…five years ago? His justification was that “everyone lies on dating sites” and therefore he couldn’t see the point of exposing himself to it.
I should have passed him my DVD boxed set of “House”. The whole series was an extended riff on the good doctor’s assertion that “Everybody lies. That’s boring. What’s interesting is what they choose to lie about”.
I am currently on a dating site sabbatical – maybe a permanent one – but many women’s profiles contain some variation on this:
“Please no timewasters no liars just be honest with me be real OK?”
So that’ll be no men, then.
I know what they mean of course. They mean don’t tell me you’re a jet pilot if you work down the local chippy, or that you are single when you are in fact married. The bare bones of objective fact. One woman I had a couple of dates with had seen a guy who used to borrow his mate’s house for the weekend to hide the fact that he was married. That’s pretty foolish, and just makes life harder for honest liars like me.
But if you say to me “I have been completely honest about everything from day one” then your credibility is shafted on the spot. Sorry. Trust and disclosure unfold as a gradual process. If it’s too fast, then there is something up with your personal boundaries in the first place and that itself is a cause for concern.
All three women I have dated online have lied to me. OK, projected an image, if you prefer. The truth comes with time spent. Internet dating is not so much different from picking people up in bars, frankly. It’s a cold start. Don’t kid yourself.
Except we do kid ourselves. It’s only human. Hence the quote from Mr Shakespeare. So even if you intend to lie to me by saying you are 100% honest, heck, I’ll probably believe you. You will likely even believe yourself. At some future point I might even get to forgive your flawed humanity, if you’re game.
The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth
– Jean Cocteau