I have been away some time….
A nasty combination of ill health and some fairly unpleasant family issues sent me to ground, and I have avoided writing as I did not want to discuss the matters that were dominating my time and thoughts.
One thing I did do was indulge in some online interaction in a game with virtual strangers, both geographically and emotionally distant from my immediate personal life, as a distraction and escape. And something very curious has happened.
I found myself flirting. Outrageously. I found myself telling someone exactly why I found them appealing in a manner that was spontaneous, unplanned and without artifice. I found myself opening up.
From there it was a short path to looking in the bathroom mirror and wondering where my certainty that I was done with that for good had disappeared to. Asking how it could be that I could be so wrong-footed in surprise, overwhelmed from nowhere and without warning.
It is the little things – the things we are not even aware are absent when we lack them – the smallest inconsequential kindnesses – that get me. To climb into bed having had someone wish me sweet dreams and a fresh perspective in the morning before logging off. I never knew I missed that until someone offered it me again.
I’m so easily pleased.