Today my head is a shed.
My post title lacks coherence, as I suspect will most of the following.
Last night I was at a party, to assist some friends with the filming of their annual spoof YouTube Christmas Video. Beer was involved, as well as horse heads and pandas. I did a turn as a fake Jewish pianist (doubly fake as I am neither Jewish nor a pianist but…oy vey).
At one point in the proceedings I flicked on my phone to check for messages and while I was at it checked WordPress to access the feature that gives me activity stats. How many views etc. A close friend asked what I was doing and commented “I didn’t think you did this for the positive strokes….”
Well, I don’t.
Over the last few weeks I have on three separate occasions been inspired to toss the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commissions into conversation (as you do…) because notwithstanding how effective they actually were, I believe in their principle. That reality begins with truth. In relationships (of all kinds) shit happens. And ignoring it helps no-one. Truth and the taking of responsibility is key to any process of reconciliation.
So what the hell has this got to do with my previous question about why, perhaps, I blog? And why I freely kick it in the direction of people who actually know me in the real rather than merely virtual and anonymous world.
It’s to do with integrity.
Not everyone may like everything I write. I can live with that. It’s an assertion of my thoughts and values without reference to the listener. And the wider the distribution, the less you are tempted to dilute and modify. That is why I take an interest in how widely it is read. It’s a self-check and reminder of what I am doing and why. The more readers, the more (not less) I am inclined to take risks.
You can see it as a process of reconciliation. A reconciling of me to myself.
There are some wrinkles with that.
First, in the wiggly world of being human I’m quite capable of holding contradictory things as being simultaneously true. Sometimes you need to express the contradictions to get at the nub of the matter.
What I dislike about blogging is the way each post is self-contained. Within the scope of a single post it may only be possible to express a fragment of the whole. There is a risk of single posts being taken out of context if people choose to ignore what they don’t like. It comes as a package and ideas might well be expressed through contradiction over time.
Even a series of posts may still not get to the heart of things. I tend to view truth as a spiral rather than merely linear. A reader’s interaction with a blog may be a straight line through that spiral that intersects at discrete points formed by individual posts. There’s a lot more spiral out there that can only be discerned by inference and the imagination of that pattern. And it would be nice to think that both the spiral and even the holes within that spiral are at least graspable to those with wit.
Told you this one was going to be a bit “out there”.