Paranoia Games

Yesterday I indicated I was coming round to the idea of internet dating again. Maybe. Or at least am more open to the idea again. I still have reservations, though. One of which revolves around my mild addiction to women, which I rationalise as being pretty common and these days, in me,  of a manageable degree. But I also have to deal with the prospect of having to put up with paranoia again. Other peoples’ paranoia.

Yes, there are nutters on the internet. Planes crash too, of course. But it is statistically much safer stepping into a plane than a car. Nevertheless, the perception of risk of planes is so skewed, that some people would rather limit their opportunities to travel through fear than board a plane.

I’m pretty sure the vast majority of people online are kosher, but people act like it was 10%. It’s frustrating as hell. And tedious, to continually feel you have to “prove” your basic integrity over and over and over….

I’ll give you an example from a text discussion I had a couple of years ago. She started…

I think in all relationships there is a giver and a taker. What do you think?

I vented my thoughts on that notion in no uncertain terms i.e. what a dismal, unhealthy, screwed-up perception of relationships that was. Having done so I got a

Good. I was just playing Devil’s Advocate

Let’s get this straight. You specifically lied about what you think in order to trap me into revealing myself to be the dick-head you presume me to be until proven otherwise.

Worse, you don’t seem to realise this is a two-way street. I’m trying to get a handle on you are too, here. This (if you are telling the truth) might well give you useful information about me. But where does it leave my perception of you? How can I trust anything you say when you have just self-confirmed you play paranoia games? Needless to say, the conversation didn’t last much longer. I couldn’t be fecked.

As much as anything else, I blog. Publically. Anyone could (if they wanted) pick up my real name from my posts, cross-check against my Facebook account, LinkedIn, double-check my image, whatever. Go right ahead. I have nothing to hide. If I did I would hardly be on here, would I? Further, for me the act of blogging is intrinsically linked to my notions of personal integrity and accountability. It’s out there, I don’t give a crap who sees it, and am slowly vaccinating myself against the disapproval, judgement and indifference of others. Like an observational comedian, I take the risk of disclosure in the hope that recognition will surface from the mire.

Furthermore, who the hell would want to get close to someone steeped in fear and distrust in the first place? That’s hardly a recipe for a happy, healthy relationship, is it?

I have nothing to prove. Or at least, a lot less than most. Other people can think whatever they want.

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2 thoughts on “Paranoia Games

    • I am sure the answer would have been “Yes”. Have i been hurt? Yes. However, the issue is that this business is difficult and tricky at the best of times. My view is that you need to approach it being clear and honest about what you believe, and allow the other the same courtesy. Whether you choose to believe what you are being told is another issue. The problem with the Devils Advocate line is that it leaves the other side in a state of doubt and uncertainty about what is being said and going on. It’s a terrible “foot to get off on”. It is game-playing.

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