I saw your advert in the paper,
you offer services most rare,
your picture’s very faceless
but I’m sure my fears are baseless,
so please please me in your basement
before I get my hip replacement,
and I’ll pay your hefty fee
just to feel that I am free.
So work me like a weasel while you rest me on your easel,
paint me like Van Gogh with your snout dug in my trough,
pin me with your chains while you occupy my veins,
shatter my illusions with your wicked sharp protrusions,
and smash my tiny mind with your cruelty so kind.