Oscillations

 


She clasped her arms around her knees
burying her head in the sand of her thighs
eyes closed
listening to the ocean come
again and again to kiss her toes.

OR (revised version, bit twee maybe)

She clasped her arms around her knees,
head
sunk in sandy thighs.
Eyes closed,
she listened to the ocean come,
in gentle beats to touch her feet
and kiss her twinkle toes.

[pfft ideally needs to be somewhere between the two]

Version 3 [gratitude to Deborah Love]

She gazed beyond her deformed legs,
watching tankers chuff and grumble,

…[bollocks her eyes are meant to be closed. Come back tomorrow]

Version 4

The girl stood on the burning deck,
her hands holding a froggy,
they both jumped overboard to see,
and now they’re both just soggy.

[That’s enough of that. Write it properly tomorrow – Ed.]

Version 5 (sigh)

She clasps her arms around her knees,
eyes closed;
listens to the ocean’s beat,
while waves repeat their cautious reach
up beach to kiss her toes,
then playfully retreat.

[No – Ed.]

Version 6

Arms clasped around her knees,

eyes closed;

listening to the ocean come,

again, again, to kiss her toes.

[you don’t know when you’re beat, do you? – Ed.]

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7 thoughts on “Oscillations

    • *sigh*…sitting on bum on beach, knees drawn up, arms round them but with enough space to bend her head against her thighs…mmm…I just tried this on the kitchen floor. Ok, she has a congenital condition that means that 75% of her height is all…legs? Maybe the poem should mention that. Might be important. Or not. The poem is rubbish anyway, the second version has the same metre as ‘the boy stood on the burning deck’ which shafts it before we even discuss using the word ‘twinkle’ 🙂

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      • I know… I knew exactly what you meant, but something made me sit on the floor and try it… And I’ve been giggling ever since. I think there is a sweet little bit of a poem in there somewhere… And why not use the word twinkle if it fits!

        Liked by 1 person

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